Sunshine

The sun has come out and it has warmed up again. It was so cold last week that I had to put the heat on to get the chill out of the house.
I don't know if the sunshine is making me feel better, but I know it isn't hurting.
Also, the lunch date and cathartic phone conversation surely made a difference in my attitude,
I've been thinking a lot about when I lived alone.
I wonder if I wanted to remarry just to have someone to cook for? As silly as it sounds, it may be true. It's the only thing I've ever been told I was good at. Somehow, employment has always been centered around food.
Even when I was a Candy Striper, I was assigned to the Nutritional Unit at U of MD Hospital.
My first real job was clerical, but I resigned after an accident which left me with a fractured skull and a long recovery period.
My next position was a hostess at Ken's (Now Bob's) Big Boy, which was within walking distance from our apartment.
I often wonder how different my life may have been if I had been given the opportunity for higher education, nursing school or community college. I was lost in the cusp of the 60's when women had fewer choices and my parents were oblivious to my desire,even though I had been a member of Future Nurses for 3 years. When I inquired about Nursing school, I was told they couldn't afford it (like I wasn't worth the effort to even look into it) and to find a job. Easier said than done, as I had taken all academic courses and still can't type
My Brother, the Marine, was stationed in Viet Nam which at that time was virtually unknown, and I became virtually invisible, especially to my Mother who was emotionally distraught over this
My husband thinks I spend too much time on the past. I believe that the past has everything to do with who I am. I still remember the hurts, rejections and pain of adolescence, my constant longing for validation and love.
It reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyric..." and I remember every face of every man who sent me here...
I don't live IN the past, but it sure explains a lot of things....