I really hate when the holidays end.
I enjoy the lights on the houses and on the trees, especially my own.
They brighten and soften at the same time, making things feel festive and cheerful.
The chore of removing and storing them is always a painful act for me.
The holiday is over, January is upon us and it is a long way until Spring
I still have cookies in tins and frozen packs of ham and turkey in the freezer waiting for my taste for them to return.
We had a good visit from the families. Gustav was a particular joy with his love for anything with wheels and his pure delight with truck and train toys.
I missed my Mom a lot this year and wonder if I am going through the motions just for her, the rituals of baking, the big turkey dinner, the special breakfast.
I wonder how much she would love meeting Goose and being enchanted by his charming personality.
But even with the rituals, our lives have changed since her passing.
No one lives close by, so it has become an ordeal to get to Grandmother's House and then have to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings.
It seems to make everyone uncomfortable, wrecks their routines and schedules. It is also expensive to travel and that creates a financial burden and not all of us could be here.
I did make an effort to "downsize" a bit. We ate more casually in the kitchen. I used everyday plates and silver. I didn't decorate every nook and cranny, as I have been known to do, or make 4 desserts which no one is interested in anymore.
Still, I tried to keep the spirit alive despite my ailing knee and lowered expectations.
I attempted to set up the little train set but Goose was still too little to fully appreciate it. That was my Dad's part of Christmas, another family ritual.
We are all going through different passages in our lives. Growing older and facing health issues and impending limited finances, the young families coping with the reality of the economy, the necessary choices that need to be made and all of our hopes for the future.
Things just felt a little flat to me.