I can't remember ever being as worn out as I feel now. Every morning when I open my eyes I feel  a fire in my stomach and my entire body aches from head to toe.
I have been trying to lie still for a while and coach my brain to go back to whatever dream I was having so that I can delay the reality of the day.
 Granted, the waking on my own time is a real break  after the months of the 5 AM fire drills,  but as hard as I try, I cannot stay in bed once the thoughts start popping and then racing through my mind.
 Did I pay the bills on time, does the trash need to go out, am I out of cat food, must buy litter...need gas ...can I take the day off from all responsibilities without guilt..do I really need to be by his side every day....? Where is everyone else???

 I have been trying to face my fears and anxiety and sense of isolation for such a long time it seems.   I met briefly with the Social Worker and she was very sympathetic to my needs. Hopefully, she will find me a support group to help me cope with this constantly declining situation.