Blue Wednesday

I woke up really early this morning, 5ish, aching all over, and wanting to sleep some more. I guess I did because the next thing I knew, it was 10 and I was fighting off bad dreams.
Jim, must have left very early because the car was gone and the coffee had already shut off. I spent most of the morning trying to pull myself together and trying not to cry. This huge sadness was upon me and I think the dreams had really disturbed me.
I forced myself to move about and dragged the pool cover out of the garage so that hopefully, Jim will notice it and realize that it is time to close the pool for the season.
When he comes home, he generally sits in his chair and watches TV. Any suggestion of a chore is met with eye rolling and agreement, although nothing actually gets done.
Things have GOT to get better.

I am home again from my trip to Atlanta for Gustav's almost Birthday.
The trip was a snap, no delays, cancellations, lost luggage etc. and over all I felt like a pretty savvy traveler at 64, slightly handicapped, and flying alone.
I even found time to use my laptop in Charlotte to catch up on my mail and FB, and play a little Spider Solitaire. I also snagged a rocking chair for a bit, but it wasn't as comfortable as i had expected. My lower back is still throbbing.
The party was great fun, and Trin had everything so organized and coordinated that it came off like a breeze, which by the way was the only negative. The wind was so fierce that we had to tie the tablecloths down, but nobody really cared. The kids had a full playground to explore, and small planes were taking off and landing the entire time.
Gus seemed to enjoy seeing his friends, although his weekend fascination with a fire truck trumped all. It went everywhere with him. I enjoyed meeting his classmates and their parents over bagels and coffee, but I must say, this is the first part I've ever attended that ended before noon. Why didn't we think of that when our kids were small instead of planning around adult time?
The entire weekend was relaxed and easy. I didn't expect to do a lot, I got to the Farmer's Market, one of my great joys, and stocke up on some herbs and spices. I also made a crab stuffed grouper for dinner and that was the extent of my labor.
The Goose is getting to be such a boy now that he is truly fun to be with. He is smart, and funny and has a sense of humor. The only time he was fussy was in a Thai restaurant where we had dinner on our last night, and Mommy took a booger away from him. :-). I think he was just hungry and he went to work on his rice and tofu as soon as the bowl hit the table.
After the meal, we walked across the street to a Gourmet Ice Cream stand and he polished off a "Sweet Corn" flavored cone and most of Mommy's Indian spice one.
The weekend was just long enough to visit without becoming a burden, but I do wish I had one more night to hang out with Paula and have girlfriend time.
Can't wait for Thanksgiving!!

Mothers Day

Mothers Day is upon us and it brings with it many memories.
When I was little and we went to church in the city, I recall wearing a pink carnation and my Mother wearing a white one. When I questioned this, my Mother explained that the pink represented a living mother, and the white a deceased one.
I wonder if anyone still does that?
Of course that was back in the day when women always wore a head covering to church, a hat or scarf, and always a dress or skirt because pants were only for casual affairs, and jeans were for farmers and hillbillies.
It has been 40 years since my first Mother's Day and I still cherish and love the series of homemade cards and gifts I received from my sons over the years.
They are packed away somewhere, but from time to time I come across them and they bring a tear to my eye. How much I wish I could go back in time and pick them up and hold them once again, hear the word "Mommy" again and really appreciate it instead of thinking Oh No!! What happened now? Can't you see that I am busy?
But life was easy when all anyone usually needed was a drink of water, a hug or a band aid. How could I not see that and enjoy the moment.
When I was sitting bedside with my own Mother as she was dying and unresponsive, all I wanted to do was say "Mommy, don't leave, please Mommy come back, I'm scared" like a little child again. But all I could do was hold her hand as she was passing and sit helplessly by her side.
I could never bring myself to call Jim's Mother "Mom" even though she wanted me to.
I know that he and she had a special relationship which surpassed me, but I appreciated her as a friend and respected her as a Mother.
I am also a Grandmother and very proud of my Grandson and his parents.
I wish we lived closer, but that is how the world is today. I receive his school reports everyday, and we video chat occasionally but I would love to have a close relationship with him like my sons had with their Mom Mom, Maybe in time that will be possible.
So to my sons, I love you dearly and miss you much. I thank you for making me a Mom and giving me a direction in life. You truly are the stars in my sky.
To my Mom,and Betty, RIP, You are in my thoughts today and I miss you.

Beautuful a Day in the Neighborhood.

Yes, Spring has done it again. The flowers are blooming, the ants and fruit flies are in the kitchen, and the house feels colder on the inside than the outside.
We had the "Screen Mobile" come, and replaced both door screens, had 4 new screens made for the back of the house, and 3 for the front, all for $475.
Jim got a truck load of compost and is spreading it around the flower beds, and I made a trip to Lowes for some container plants.
Bitsy caught something out on the patio. She leaped off the porch, nailed it and ran into the woods with it hanging from her mouth. Whatever it was lasted a few days because she just showed up this morning for more food.
The pool is dried out so we can start cleaning it if it doesn't rain, but there is so much else to do, like getting the summer clothes out, and packing away the winter stuff, plus I start my training next week for the Census.
I am trying to get as much done as possible this week.

Trains

I was listening to the radio yesterday, No not NPR, but a music station and I heard Arlo Guthrie singing "City of New Orleans" and it reminded me of my own fascination with trains.
When I was a child, we always had a Christmas garden with handmade houses and of course, a church, encircled by an American Flyer train set.
The trains were actually my Brother's and every year a new piece would be added to the garden, a signal switch, a cross gate, a beacon tower or additional cars.
Originally our train was industrial, a locomotive with a coal tender, a tanker car, a logging car which would dump it's cargo when it hit a certain section of the track and you pushed a button,and a cattle car and milk jug carrier which would also unload onto a vibrating platform . The engine would puff out smoke, and naturally there was the little red caboose bringing up the rear.
As time moved on, we acquired passenger cars as did the country apparently, as air travel out of reach for the average Joe, and trucking became more practical for commerce.
But I didn't know this when I was young, I just enjoyed the trains for the season, all the lights in the little houses, the whistle of the engine, the clack of the tracks.
My Dad stopped setting the garden up, but when my boys were born he started again. He even built a platform for us, so we had our own set of HO scale cars with a Diesel engine and a KFC instead of the church.
When I became older, the train became more romantic to me. It was the scene of many a soldier going off the war in movies, those tearful goodbyes, sweethearts waving, tearful kisses blown into the wind. It was also the scene of momentous reunions and stump speeches by politicians from the caboose.
It was a sad day when the train pulled through Baltimore with the body of Robert Kennedy. It gave the people a chance to salute him and say goodbye.
When Woodies transferred me to the Metro Center in DC, I would drive 1/2 hr to West Baltimore in the dark, park for free under the bridge on RT 40 (same neighborhood as the Wire) and catch the Marc train to Union Station where I then boarded the Metro to my stop. On the nights I had to work later, or just plain missed the Marc, I rode the Amtrak for $1 more.
Somehow I felt very excited riding the train everyday. It made my job seem more important, and once, when Rocky was trying to make a comeback into my life, he surprised me at Penn Station with flowers, a sweet gesture.
We have a coal train that runs through here that carries fuel to The Indian River Power Plant. When I am tucked in at night, I can here the whistle and the clack of the tracks. Some nights it rocks me right to sleep.
I can see why so many musicians write songs about them....

Rainy Monday

I guess last week was a bit of a let down for me after all the energy I put into the party. It truly was a huge success, but in my own nit picky way, I wish i had a do over to make it perfect, like doing a better job of keeping the food warm, and spending more time socializing.
Trust me, I had no complaints from the gallery and even though Jim came home early, and saw the preparations going on, when the guests started to arrive he was literally stunned.
Our old friends, Jody and Scott came to celebrate and that made us both very happy. We were once very close to them and though I don't expect that to ever be a reality again, we enjoyed seeing them, had lots of laughs about the past, and even did lunch with them last Friday. I see us spending more time with them.
I think Jim was pleased with my efforts as he gave me an unsolicited kiss and said, "That was cool". Coming from him, a compliment is a major achievement.
On the other hand, last week was our victory in Washington, but the party of NO has been disturbing me with their acceptance of the hateful rhetoric being bandied about, and their steadfast resolution to stick together and say nothing.
When I saw McCain with Sarah Palin in her leather jacket I could not believe it.I swear, all I could see was W waving fom that carrier with his banner.
I did, at one time, have a great deal of respect for McCain even when my Brother (a Julianni man) said he was a "frail little man".
When he made her his running mate I could barely keep a straight face. I cannot believe that real Republicans condoned this, but wait...I got into an e mail argument with my big brother about this very thing yesterday and he defended her., "She ran a very large state"..and also condoned this "Tea party" whatever it is movement, casting disparaging remarks about Obama and his "Pal", William Ayers being terrorists?? I am almost certain that he is one of the "Birthers" and cannot believe how "Barry" Obama got such a good education.
Hello...has he been drinking from the Koolade well? Does he realize that his 2 nephews went to some of the finest schools, not only in this country, but in the World, one has a PhD. and that I never earned more that $26,000
This has been so distressing for me that I have had to get off of politics for now. I have not been sleeping well because I take it all too personally, but I pride myself on being grateful for what I have, and my compassion for those who don't. I don't judge others by the depth of their pockets or their strange name or different color.
This may not be the health bill we wanted, but it is the one we got, and it is not an end, it is a beginning, and I am proud of My country , my President and his F@#%ing Vice President. It is about time.

Jim and his Birthday

I wanted to do something nice for Jim's Birthday this year without spending a ton of money. I actually earned $200 last weekend working the Food Show, so I have decided to have a "Cocktail Party" here at the house to celebrate.
I have already made some mini quiches, spanikopita and meatballs with red sauce.
I made a major trip to BJ's for a corned beef flat and Italian Sausage which I have stashed in the outside fridge. So far he hasn't been suspicious even though i have been cleaning up the chafing dishes and washing glasses like crazy.
Th hardest part is , as usual, cleaning up the dining room and living room. The Christmas tree is still sitting in the box to go outside, and I have a load for the Goodwill to go today.
I am also going to finish up the shopping,so I have it all under roof. Prudence is off all day Thursday, so she volunteered to assist.
Joell, however declined the invitation and then called Jim and invited him to lunch that day in Dover.I am trying to look at this as a good thing, not an act of sabotage.