Well, the memorial is over and life goes on.
Mine will never be the same again. I have lost my partner, my friend, my love.
I've said this many times in the past year or maybe even longer, but I have missed him for so long now I can't really remember when his spirit left , his spontaneity and silliness, and love of life...they just faded away with his body...
It was a long process of enduring endless pain, false hopes of recovery , fighting too many infections for his body to heal...he became so fragile..he ran out of fight....
I don't even remember if I kissed him before they took him away. I think I did. I know I ran outside and gave him his cell, but the ambulance was too high up for me to touch him. I told him I would be there right behind him but the next time I saw him he was on the breathing machine and unconscious.
It was so cold in the ER at Christiana , not the temperature but the chill of the daughters by the time I arrived. I would have liked a few minutes alone with him, but no one offered to leave. I just don't think of thing like that. It would have been nice is someone had given me a seat, but that took a while as well.
So three of us watched him go, it was painless and peaceful...and so very sad
There was no touching, hugging or talking.. Just 3 witnesses , all crying...all alone..
So now it is over....there is no changing anything or anyone..I still don't know why it was that way but it was..does it matter anymore, not really...it is just sad.
So much to do to move on with my life..a house and garage full of stuff I don't need anymore...or even want..
One day at a time...today I am OK.
