What a rough week I have had.....actually this entire month has been stressful and disturbing starting with Barry's death. Even though it was anticipated, it still rocked my world...tons of memories flooding back into my head....
Then there is the fiasco of selling the house in Baltimore. I sent a check to the contractor REGISTERED MAIL through the USPS and it somehow got lost and took over 10 days to be delivered and held up the settlement date.
I had to drive to Kent Island this week to cash in some CD's at First National Bank bank which had bought out Baltimore Co S&L as well as the Annapolis Bank.
My bank questioned the deposit even though I had 2 cashiers checks ....
Since the contractor would not sign off on the repairs, I tried to wire transfer funds into his bank but the routing # was not accepted by my bank so I had to make a cash withdraw and make a deposit into his bank which had a nearby branch.
Meanwhile, I was trying to get some settlement papers notarized at my bank and the notary noticed that my Drivers license had expired on the 5th, my Birthday. SOOO....I came home to get my passport and since I knew she was leaving for an hour lunch, I decided to drive up to Georgetown and renew my license...which I did.
So I got the papers notarized and rather than entrust the USPO again, I Fed Exed them to the settlement officer which cost me $32....
It's required a lot of push ups on my part and every step has been an ordeal...and costly $$$
Then it occurred to me that I have been losing all the constants in my life....Jim, my own health , Barry and now our old home which we bought in 1971.
.I cannot face any more drama at this point..I am feeling so fragile and sad..totally sapped of joy and full of fear...I've never felt so alone in my life ....
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
What a long strange trip it has been...
Barry died 2 weeks ago..marking the end of an era in my life. ....it was a surreal experience to spend time with his family and old friends after so many years of estrangement..
I have actually been feeling somewhat melancholy lately since Gabe and I did the STORY CORP interview in January....and all those memories came flooding into me at the funeral home
My heart is broken again. I have lost the 2 most significant men in my life besides my Dad .and my Sons have lost their Father ...
In my nostalgia I am remembering a robust Barry, defiant and rough.....we were still children when we met....even though we thought we knew everything there was to know..He was 21 and I was 18 when we got married. Neither of us had a direction or any encouragement to advance and i guess we were just grateful that we found one another at that particular moment.
We loved each other.... wasn't that enough? Also my best friend recently had "had" to get married and it seemed to be the way to go in my romantic mind.
Barry had that James Dean attitude and look about him...at one point we had 2 motorcycles and a car and I had not yet learned how to drive,
When he finally got a decent paying job at Coca Cola through my BF's father he somehow managed mess that up....walking out without notice because the Union failed to pass....only thinking of himself and not as a married man..
Yet he was the same person who put love notes in my lunch when he packed it...and came and picked me up I had finished my shift at BIG BOY restaurant to take me to see DR ZHIVAGO even though he had just left the theater.....a 4 hour movie....and was always showing me new places/things I had never experienced.
When we were "evicted" from our apartment on Mary Ave and relocated in Hillendale we were inundated with roaches...he put on a faux fur hat I had...looked like something that Papa John Phillips had worn, and declared war on the roaches....this was of course around the time of Sgt Pepper....
We had a lot of fun , saw a lot of movies , met some great people and stayed together for 14 years but after the kids arrived I was looking for more stability and responsibility ....I continued to grow and Barry was just stuck or stoned in his own reality of life.
Pot was good for him because it made him mellow...alcohol made him abusive and sometimes violent..He had a good ear for music and really missed his calling there.
He lived like a gypsy after we split up ... pre cell phones and no permanent address.
I needed to contact him when Zak became ill,so I drove up and down Broadway looking for him. Luckily the first man I stopped and asked told me that he was in his apartment. I warily followed him into the building thinking i was going to be attacked, raped and left for dead...but there was Barry in the living room . The man was his friend Bruce, a former psychiatric nurse (and patient)
From that point on we kept in touch,
It was truly a blessing when Barry met Sheryl. He definitely need someone in his life to love and be be loved by. She became a part of our family as well and it was painful and sad when she became ill and died.
Sheryl and Barry came to my Wedding to Jim....he spent time here in my house after she was gone...Jim and he were friends and now they are both gone...../
Barry died 2 weeks ago..marking the end of an era in my life. ....it was a surreal experience to spend time with his family and old friends after so many years of estrangement..
I have actually been feeling somewhat melancholy lately since Gabe and I did the STORY CORP interview in January....and all those memories came flooding into me at the funeral home
My heart is broken again. I have lost the 2 most significant men in my life besides my Dad .and my Sons have lost their Father ...
In my nostalgia I am remembering a robust Barry, defiant and rough.....we were still children when we met....even though we thought we knew everything there was to know..He was 21 and I was 18 when we got married. Neither of us had a direction or any encouragement to advance and i guess we were just grateful that we found one another at that particular moment.
We loved each other.... wasn't that enough? Also my best friend recently had "had" to get married and it seemed to be the way to go in my romantic mind.
Barry had that James Dean attitude and look about him...at one point we had 2 motorcycles and a car and I had not yet learned how to drive,
When he finally got a decent paying job at Coca Cola through my BF's father he somehow managed mess that up....walking out without notice because the Union failed to pass....only thinking of himself and not as a married man..
Yet he was the same person who put love notes in my lunch when he packed it...and came and picked me up I had finished my shift at BIG BOY restaurant to take me to see DR ZHIVAGO even though he had just left the theater.....a 4 hour movie....and was always showing me new places/things I had never experienced.
When we were "evicted" from our apartment on Mary Ave and relocated in Hillendale we were inundated with roaches...he put on a faux fur hat I had...looked like something that Papa John Phillips had worn, and declared war on the roaches....this was of course around the time of Sgt Pepper....
We had a lot of fun , saw a lot of movies , met some great people and stayed together for 14 years but after the kids arrived I was looking for more stability and responsibility ....I continued to grow and Barry was just stuck or stoned in his own reality of life.
Pot was good for him because it made him mellow...alcohol made him abusive and sometimes violent..He had a good ear for music and really missed his calling there.
He lived like a gypsy after we split up ... pre cell phones and no permanent address.
I needed to contact him when Zak became ill,so I drove up and down Broadway looking for him. Luckily the first man I stopped and asked told me that he was in his apartment. I warily followed him into the building thinking i was going to be attacked, raped and left for dead...but there was Barry in the living room . The man was his friend Bruce, a former psychiatric nurse (and patient)
From that point on we kept in touch,
It was truly a blessing when Barry met Sheryl. He definitely need someone in his life to love and be be loved by. She became a part of our family as well and it was painful and sad when she became ill and died.
Sheryl and Barry came to my Wedding to Jim....he spent time here in my house after she was gone...Jim and he were friends and now they are both gone...../
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