July 4

Yesterday was the 4th of July and for some unexplained reason I found myself having a tough day.
Maybe it was just the fact that it was a holiday but I know that we haven't done anything special for several years due to Jim's ill health and general lack of interest. I started weeping, them sobbing at times, and I just couldn't shake it off.
 Part of it was due to the fact the Bitsy, Beau's mother and outside feral cat had disappeared for 2 days, but my heart lifted when I saw her walking across the patio, or should i say limping. She has had a broken foot and missing tail for several years now. which is why I worry about her. She has been spayed so I can't imagine why she takes off like that unless something scared her or, in my active imagination, she is still connected to her colony and they needed her for something, like being a midwife.
 At any rate, she gobbled up a bowl of food, the proceeded to nap under a bush for most of the afternoon.
 I also was reliving 4ths from the past, being a kid at the shore and having company, steamed crabs and fireworks on the water. Having the family over on Mom Mom's patio for a cookout and crab soup when the kids were little,  having a family party here on our patio and dragging lawn chairs across the road to watch fireworks from the Church of God's Huge display which has been discontinued as well.
 .I was flooded with emotions for much of the day, missing former friends, our parents and of course Jim.
 I felt compelled to do something. so I hung a bunting on the Tiki Bar outside and came inside to shower and cool off.
 The afternoon was better. I piddled around which is about all i am capable of these days...can't seem to concentrate on one task.I had planned ahead for a special dinner and treated myself to some crab legs, BUTTER. and corn on the cob..surprisingly satisfying,
 By nightfall I was tired and chose a TV show which due to some cable glitch I could not access...so I watched Avatar, which I had never seen, and thoroughly enjoyed that.
 End of story...