I was just having a memory flash of a time when Jim and I were new, and one of the reasons I fell n love with him.
I was working for Holly Poultry and had to go to Newark NJ for a few days. Jim was living in DE but decided to drive up and stay over night with me at the hotel.
It was a crazy evening starting with the fact that I actually saw him drive past the hotel from my window, then make a U turn to get on to the parking lot. I didn't really expect him to come. I was so excited to see him. It made the trip an adventure.
After kisses and hugs and,well, you know , in the room, we were ready for some dinner. The hotel had a restaurant but Jim didn't relish that idea, so we ventured out on our own to find a place to eat.
By this time it was dark and, Newark NJ is not known for its hospitality and tourist attractions. Jim started driving towards what we thought was the city Somehow we ended up in a bad neighborhood (not hard to do) and saw flashing lights and yellow tape.
It was a crime scene for real, and cops were everywhere.
When one walked over to the car, Jim rolled down the window and asked him where a good restaurant was. Without blinking an eye, the officer gave us directions to a great Italian Bistro which was not more than 1/2 mile away.
We had a fabulous meal and couldn't stop laughing!

I really hate when the holidays end.
I enjoy the lights on the houses and on the trees, especially my own.
They brighten and soften at the same time, making things feel festive and cheerful.
The chore of removing and storing them is always a painful act for me.
The holiday is over, January is upon us and it is a long way until Spring
I still have cookies in tins and frozen packs of ham and turkey in the freezer waiting for my taste for them to return.
We had a good visit from the families. Gustav was a particular joy with his love for anything with wheels and his pure delight with truck and train toys.
I missed my Mom a lot this year and wonder if I am going through the motions just for her, the rituals of baking, the big turkey dinner, the special breakfast.
I wonder how much she would love meeting Goose and being enchanted by his charming personality.
But even with the rituals, our lives have changed since her passing.
No one lives close by, so it has become an ordeal to get to Grandmother's House and then have to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings.
It seems to make everyone uncomfortable, wrecks their routines and schedules. It is also expensive to travel and that creates a financial burden and not all of us could be here.
I did make an effort to "downsize" a bit. We ate more casually in the kitchen. I used everyday plates and silver. I didn't decorate every nook and cranny, as I have been known to do, or make 4 desserts which no one is interested in anymore.
Still, I tried to keep the spirit alive despite my ailing knee and lowered expectations.
I attempted to set up the little train set but Goose was still too little to fully appreciate it. That was my Dad's part of Christmas, another family ritual.
We are all going through different passages in our lives. Growing older and facing health issues and impending limited finances, the young families coping with the reality of the economy, the necessary choices that need to be made and all of our hopes for the future.
Things just felt a little flat to me.

Wedding Weekend

Jim and i just returned from a road trip to Gettysburg.
Tom and Martha's youngest child, Courtney and her long time partner Rob, were married on Sunday 10/10/10.
It was unseasonably warm for October, and a lovely drive north, but there still wasn't much fall color, even in PA.
Most of the guests and wedding party stayed at the Gettysburg Hotel, which is an Historic Hotel on the site of a tavern dating back to 1753, and within eye range of Will House where Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysberg Address.
When we were checking out, I was standing on the porch with our luggage waiting for Jim to bring the car around and eavesdropped on a tour guide for a few minutes.
I learned that RE Lee brought the war North to show the European countries that they were indeed a separate nation, and also to relieve the South of the ravages they were suffering at the time. I wish we had another day to spend revisiting the area.
History has become more meaingful to me as I have grown older.
The reception was good, great DJ, and Jim even danced. with me. I think he enjoyed himself and loosened up a little.
On the drive home, we stopped at G&M for lunch. Yummy.
It was nice to get away!

Sunshine

The sun has come out and it has warmed up again. It was so cold last week that I had to put the heat on to get the chill out of the house.
I don't know if the sunshine is making me feel better, but I know it isn't hurting.
Also, the lunch date and cathartic phone conversation surely made a difference in my attitude,
I've been thinking a lot about when I lived alone.
I wonder if I wanted to remarry just to have someone to cook for? As silly as it sounds, it may be true. It's the only thing I've ever been told I was good at. Somehow, employment has always been centered around food.
Even when I was a Candy Striper, I was assigned to the Nutritional Unit at U of MD Hospital.
My first real job was clerical, but I resigned after an accident which left me with a fractured skull and a long recovery period.
My next position was a hostess at Ken's (Now Bob's) Big Boy, which was within walking distance from our apartment.
I often wonder how different my life may have been if I had been given the opportunity for higher education, nursing school or community college. I was lost in the cusp of the 60's when women had fewer choices and my parents were oblivious to my desire,even though I had been a member of Future Nurses for 3 years. When I inquired about Nursing school, I was told they couldn't afford it (like I wasn't worth the effort to even look into it) and to find a job. Easier said than done, as I had taken all academic courses and still can't type
My Brother, the Marine, was stationed in Viet Nam which at that time was virtually unknown, and I became virtually invisible, especially to my Mother who was emotionally distraught over this
My husband thinks I spend too much time on the past. I believe that the past has everything to do with who I am. I still remember the hurts, rejections and pain of adolescence, my constant longing for validation and love.
It reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyric..." and I remember every face of every man who sent me here...
I don't live IN the past, but it sure explains a lot of things....

Good Day

I had a good day today in spite of the dreariness and cold that has been upon Delaware for the last week.
The sun came out, it warmed up and I finaly made it to the salon for a cut and color..$31 at the beauty school.
The fun part was meeting with Jenn Link, my ex boyfriend Carl's oldest daughter,
Jenn said it had been 12 years, but I think it's been longer since we last saw each other.
She was in OC for a conference and we arranged to have lunch together. She is now married, lives in Fallston with her husband and 2 adorable daughters.
We talked about everything like we had just seen one another yesterday.
Carl is still living in Wilmington, NC, He visits once a year and spends time with his old friends, who he misses dearly. She would really love for him to move back to Baltimore so he would be closer.
I have a lot of respect for Jenn, She has worked and lived on her own since high school, selling insurane (currently health insurance). She bought a house by herself when she was in her 20;s. She has always been focused on her career and family and has had her share of bad relationships.
What really made me laugh wss when she said, " I told Dad he should have married You".
And When I described my relationship with my now step daughters she exclaimed, " Don't like You, I Loved you.:
Now that made me smile!

Blue Wednesday

I woke up really early this morning, 5ish, aching all over, and wanting to sleep some more. I guess I did because the next thing I knew, it was 10 and I was fighting off bad dreams.
Jim, must have left very early because the car was gone and the coffee had already shut off. I spent most of the morning trying to pull myself together and trying not to cry. This huge sadness was upon me and I think the dreams had really disturbed me.
I forced myself to move about and dragged the pool cover out of the garage so that hopefully, Jim will notice it and realize that it is time to close the pool for the season.
When he comes home, he generally sits in his chair and watches TV. Any suggestion of a chore is met with eye rolling and agreement, although nothing actually gets done.
Things have GOT to get better.

I am home again from my trip to Atlanta for Gustav's almost Birthday.
The trip was a snap, no delays, cancellations, lost luggage etc. and over all I felt like a pretty savvy traveler at 64, slightly handicapped, and flying alone.
I even found time to use my laptop in Charlotte to catch up on my mail and FB, and play a little Spider Solitaire. I also snagged a rocking chair for a bit, but it wasn't as comfortable as i had expected. My lower back is still throbbing.
The party was great fun, and Trin had everything so organized and coordinated that it came off like a breeze, which by the way was the only negative. The wind was so fierce that we had to tie the tablecloths down, but nobody really cared. The kids had a full playground to explore, and small planes were taking off and landing the entire time.
Gus seemed to enjoy seeing his friends, although his weekend fascination with a fire truck trumped all. It went everywhere with him. I enjoyed meeting his classmates and their parents over bagels and coffee, but I must say, this is the first part I've ever attended that ended before noon. Why didn't we think of that when our kids were small instead of planning around adult time?
The entire weekend was relaxed and easy. I didn't expect to do a lot, I got to the Farmer's Market, one of my great joys, and stocke up on some herbs and spices. I also made a crab stuffed grouper for dinner and that was the extent of my labor.
The Goose is getting to be such a boy now that he is truly fun to be with. He is smart, and funny and has a sense of humor. The only time he was fussy was in a Thai restaurant where we had dinner on our last night, and Mommy took a booger away from him. :-). I think he was just hungry and he went to work on his rice and tofu as soon as the bowl hit the table.
After the meal, we walked across the street to a Gourmet Ice Cream stand and he polished off a "Sweet Corn" flavored cone and most of Mommy's Indian spice one.
The weekend was just long enough to visit without becoming a burden, but I do wish I had one more night to hang out with Paula and have girlfriend time.
Can't wait for Thanksgiving!!