Post from the day before Jim died

Wednesday the 29th of May...The season officially started over the weekend and the traffic was heavy even thought the weather was chilly.
 All's quiet here this morning. Only 1 appointment at the wound center this afternoon at 2. The wound is 80% healed. Once all the slough is removed, they will work on a closure.
 The C diff is really the main issue now. I met with the Nurse Practitioner at dialysis yesterday and she administered some vancomycin in his IV. It may have helped as he ate a little dinner last night.
 I am also looking into assistance programs for medical help, especially for prescriptions. Over the weekend I spent $500 on pads, depends, and meds...even with insurance part d, We really can't afford that.
 I've made some progress with the patio plants and have been trying to get the front started. My 12 year old crew quit on me, so the pool is down, empty and sitting in a big clump on the sand. If i could get a few adults to help, I think we could flatten it and roll it up now that it is dry. Actually, if I had a power washer and some help I could really clean it up and pack it in the bag,  but that is just dreaming at this point..
 So, the dirt therapy is working except it is extremely tiring for me but better than standing still.
 I am going to a luncheon/lecture for caregivers in Milford on the 7th and am hoping to hook up with a support group
  I am juggling as fast as I can but I can feel the balls starting to slip.
It is so difficult to be responsible for everything...I know the car needs service but when can I get that done?
My taxes in Baltimore will be due in July, as well as the car insurance here. I need to pay my personal income tax from 2011, and 12.
 It has been hard to deal with these ailments with no one coordinator in charge. Dr. Gordon, the plastic surgeon has nothing to do with the C diff. Dr. Sharman, the primary referred us to an infectious disease specialist at Beebe who can't see us until July. The Nurse/P at dialysis can only treat Jim 3 X a week with the vancomycin IV which is the only thing that seems to work for him. The oral medication costs $1600 for a 10 day supply. I almost took him to the ER yesterday just so they would get that department involved sooner.
  The AFLAC insurance has been a Godsend, but come August it will be 1 year which is the limit. I am also looking for Medicaid assistance.
 So , how is your day so far....

Oh well, I knew it was too good to be true. Gina cannot take the pool because her Mother is afraid for the little kids who are always at her house. Oh well, at least I got it partially drained and ready to empty.and roll up.
 I also saw the 4 little kids with the "lawn service" and got them started weeding the front yard. They are coming back tomorrow with a rotor tiller to finish up. They are all very nice and polite, around 12 years old, but are way too disorganized. I tried to give them some direction, but they get so distracted by the smallest thing.
 I told them I would pay them $40 for both sides down to the dirt and weeds hauled away and swept up..
In my opinion that is a good deal. The leader is a real hustler but his brother is into riding on the tractor and little else. He may be on his way out of the deal....
 Also, the old grill is gone. Rolled it to the curb and 2 men picked it up around 6 last night.
 Now hoping that Jim gets interested in the new grill. I hope i didn't waste the money on it,...I wasn't cheap..

Step 1
 I think I have some one to take the pool. Gina, who lived with us can use it in her Mother's yard.
Today I am going to start draining it and getting all the parts together.
 She seemed really excited about it so I am happy to pass it on to someone who will enjoy it with her family.
One more crisis resolved. Now to find the number about the trailer.

Rain and thunderstorms perfect day for me. It is the Saturday after my reunion and I have been ill for most of the week.
 I seen to have acquired an upper respiratory infection which is also affecting my sinuses, throat and left eye..
 I just dropped Jim off at Dialysis so I have some time for myself. I have been sleeping a lot since I was given a cough syrup with codeine, but i cannot take it during the day time when I have to drive.
 I've had no appetite other than cold fruit and beverages with ice, As of yesterday I was still running a temp over 101o but my Doc was looking out for me by not prescribing an antibiotic, therefore protecting me from the Cdif which Jim is still struggling with.
 But before I go lie down for a while, I must day that I had a good time at the reunion.. Certainly missed some people who weren't there and surely missed some who were.
 I heard one classmate state that this was the best one yet, but the most difficult in recognizing face as they had changed so much.
 It was fun to reconnect first on the elementary school level with kids I went all through the system from the 3rd grade on, old friends I had re met when I was with Carl, and new FB friends. I have met through our class website..
 I also was grateful for a very frank conversation with a fellow classmate who gave me really good advice about my situation with Jim. It did nor fall on deaf ears.
 In looking around my house, I have lots of living things...Plants I have rescued from dying restaurants, one from 30 years ago, a few I've had for 20...I have 3 loving cats inside, and a feral whom I recently started let sleep in the Laundry room.
 I am trying to focus on that and not the stench of illness in the other rooms...the Cdif. the wound dressing.
I will try to do this...

My body is absolutely aching from the ambulance ride to Baltimore. Sitting up front in a straight seat with no controls with arthritis is bad enough but Jim's bouncing about on the stretcher in the back , on his back, must really be uncomfortable.
  I try to be positive and helpful but he misinterprets my moves.. He doesn't realize at times where he is and we got into an argument today about who is wearing the gear for infection..

I just returned from my trip to Baltimore for Jim's last surgery.
I stayed once again at the Best Western  mostly for the free parking, hospital discount and the shuttle service  back and forth to Hopkins.. They also offer a huge buffet breakfast , included,  and a reasonably priced lunch and dinner menu.The food is not bad and the kitchen also caters Toby's Dinner Theater which is on the premises.
 I don't know what it is about me, but it seems when I travel alone I tend to attract other people who are also alone and generally in the same situation.
 The first night I was there was my Birthday so I went to the dining room the have a few cocktails and dinner. I has just started on my first martini, when the older lady walked over to my table and asked if she could join me.
 I agreed, so we introduced ourselves and and began a conversation. She was from Michigan, outside Ann Arbor and was retired from U of Michigan for many years. She was in Baltimore to have a check up at the Wilmer Eye Center at Hopkins, which is #2 in the world, according to her, with Miami being # 1.
 She was born with one blind eye,which was not noticeable at all, and now has some sort of growth threatening her good eye. She hadn't been satisfied with the treatment at U of M so she had been coming to Wilmer for several years..
 She explained that last year she had stayed at the Days Inn at the Harbor but they had no dining in house and it had rained the entire time she was in town and it was difficult to find a place nearby to eat..
  Unfortunately, with our "IFFY " forecast for snow this time,  her  flight had already been cancelled for the next day already so she was happy to be in a hotel with amenities that she could use such as the free shuttle and the restaurant.
 I enjoyed our dinner together and even though she wasn't a drinker at all,  she didn't mind that I was.She finished and paid her bill and we said goodnight .
 The next day I went about my business at the hospital, taking the 6AM shuttle and staying with Jim in Pre op. When the surgery was completed, he was taken to a room on the 4th floor when I joined him.
 We decided to order lunch for him, and I ordered a guest tray as well. I like the system there. Each patient is given a menu and you call your own order in for each meal. It takes about 60 minutes to deliver it but it hand carried individually on a tray. Suddenly the staff decided that he needed to go to dialysis so by the time his food came he had been transported away. We agreed that I would leave for the day as he would not return to his room until after 7 PM.
 I thought about venturing out for dinner but I was extremely tired so I once again decided to dine at the hotel. Once again I was sipping a cocktail when Ann showed up again. She apologized for wearing the same clothes but she hadn't packed much for an overnight trip. So our conversation continued and we shared  stories about our traveling experiences, failed marriages, unfulfilled relationships, mentally ill children , recipes for making candy, etc etc. so many confidences that are easy to share with a stranger.....
 She turned up again the next day  in the lobby as I was waiting for the shuttle. The earliest flight she could book wasn't until Friday..  I was beginning to feel like I was being stalked, but I had  checked out of my room , loaded the car and wanted to spend a few more hours with Jim.
 She said she had bought a ticket for the dinner theater which was playing THE WIZ. I was sorry that I was leaving because i think i may have enjoyed the show but we once again said our goodbyes
 .

Spring?

OK, I have crocus blooming, daffodils pushing up and signs of spring everywhere But Where is the Sun?
It has been so dismally gray here, cold, then warm, snow then rain...but no Sun. It is really depressing.
 Maybe it is the let down after the Ravens Victory, packing away the purple gear for next year, I don't know.
 It's not that I am not hopeful.... I am just sooo tired of winter....the hospitals...the never ending insurance forms and bills....the daily responsibility for everything... taking trash out.... buying cat food.....cleaning litter boxes....remembering to buy gas...driving to Salisbury 3 X weekly..... paying bills and laundry etc. etc. etc.
 On top of all of that crap, the refrigerator is being replaced today, an unplanned expense, Mediacom still hasn't gotten my digital signal right yet since i moved the box.., my notebook computer ...won't boot up and I am frustrated by the staleness of my life......